Diary of a Rich Man's Kid by Charles C. Pettijohn Jr

Author:Charles C. Pettijohn, Jr.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Beaufort Books
Published: 2014-04-04T04:00:00+00:00

Shotgun Britton And The Colonel

One of the Lakeside members was Shotgun Britton. He was a makeup man, and was from Texas. He always wore tailor-made clothes and smoked huge, black cigars which he referred to as “heaters.” They always smelled like a sewer. And, of course, being from Texas, he always talked in a loud voice.

When Shotgun was drafted, he became a private in the Air Force, and was assigned to a theater in New York City where the Air Force was putting on a show and needed a makeup man. Private or not, Shotgun had his uniforms tailor-made. His commanding officer was a colonel, and Shotgun spent most of his two years on Broadway driving his colonel crazy. Shotgun was always cramming his “heaters” in the colonel’s mouth, and he kept telling the colonel that after the war he would invite him to Lakeside to play golf with all his friends like Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Humphrey Bogart, etc.

Now, usually privates want the war to end so they can slug their colonel without getting court martialed. In Shotgun’s case, it was just the reverse. The colonel could not wait for the war to end so he could slug Shotgun without getting court martialed. The war ended, and the colonel showed up at Lakeside with his brother—at least he said it was his brother. The “brother” was under treatment in a Veteran’s Hospital. He had been shellshocked. He arrived wearing sneakers and faded blue fatigues. He had an old set of wooden-shafted clubs.

The colonel and his “brother” challenged Shotgun and Dr. Dodd, his partner, to a hundred dollar Nassau. The “brother” also had a bad case of the shakes, and once in a while kicked his golf ball into a better lie. Somehow, he managed to shoot the first nine in thirty-six. And Shotgun was two down at the end of nine when they went into the bar for a drink. The “brother” started to shake severely, and the colonel decided to take him back to the hospital. He asked Shotgun for the hundred dollars that he had won on the first nine, but Shotgun said they must wait till the match was over. The colonel disagreed, and during the argument, Shotgun accused the colonel’s “brother” of cheating. The “brother” heard Shotgun say this and had a sudden spasm and fell to the floor unconscious. Dr. Dodd immediately attended him and kept sending Shotgun for hot towels and water. It was all to no avail, and Dr. Dodd finally pronounced the man dead. The colonel accused Shotgun of killing his “brother” and Shotgun was terrified. Suddenly the “brother’s” eyes started to flutter. Shotgun got down on his knees and begged the “brother” to speak to him. The man finally did, and whispered in a low voice, “You owe my brother a hundred dollars.” The colonel had gotten even with Shotgun for the entire war. He did a wonderful job.

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